Chewing Gum & Graphite.

Angrily washing dishes and listening to Jimmy Eat World. Classical Mythology is interesting enough, but right now I just want to sit in my bed and watch The Office and try not to think about how stupid and unfair things can be. On a lighter note, I have a ton of packing to do before Saturday but I’m seeing Gatz on Friday and I’m so, so excited.

Story of my life: things seem promising, and then quickly fall to shit.

I want the semester to be over so I don’t have to worry about work and deadlines and proximity and emotional nonsense and lack of sleep. I’m so sick of my dorm room and dining hall food. But what am I going to do at home? It’ll be nice for a while but three months? What the fuck am I going to do in Philadelphia for three months? I want to go home but I don’t. I want to stay here but I don’t. I’m tired of cities right now. I don’t know where I want to be. I wish I could just be nowhere. No, no I don’t, but I wish I knew where I wanted to go and I could go there and everything would be simple.

I want to yell and I want to stop feeling pitiful and I hate that I’m complaining so much but sometimes you just have to fucking complain because the alternative is pretending that everything is fine when really, nothing makes any sense. This age, being a teenager who is almost not a teenager anymore but is barely more than a kid… It’s confusing as hell. Trying to function like an adult somewhere new but clinging on to childhood, to what is familiar.

I just don’t know. College is fucking weird.