Chewing Gum & Graphite.

1. I got into the Williamstown Theatre Festival’s apprentice program! It was completely unexpected because I had called them a week or so before I found out asking if they had notified all of the selected apprentices and the guy I talked to said he was pretty sure they had. Crazy times. So, I’ll be in Massachusetts from June 14th to August 20th. I’m so excited.

2. Hopefully I will have secured an apartment by the time I leave.

3. Being home has been extremely lazy, but knowing that I will be doing things pretty much nonstop for two months (without air conditioning) is making my current sedentary/hermit-like liftesyle seem sort of acceptable.

4. I have ventured out into the world on a few occasions, however, mainly to catch up with friends and get my hair cut and ride my bike. Okay, so not totally sedentary. But I have spent an incredible amount of time in my bed (both sleeping and doing nothing of importance on the internet. Exhilarating.)

5. Today I was in Old City with my dad and we found this vintage store that doesn’t have prices on the clothes (most of which are in huge cardboard boxes), but instead the cashier puts the clothes you want to buy on a scale and charges you based on how much everything weighs. Like a salad or frozen yogurt! So, I got two dresses, a shirt, and a pair of shorts for $20. Amazing.

6. I’m getting my wisdom teeth out on Monday and I am actually terrified.

train rides and memorizing lines and Words With Friends (and family) and delicious food and I wish I could eat my aunt’s stuffing every single day and psychedelic music and Philadelphia and beautiful weather and Stephen Sondheim and walking and hanging out with Seamus and laughing and Retrospect and AIDS Thrift and procrastinating as usual and trying not to feel weird and sneaking into Gallatin through Tisch to rehearse even though the former is technically closed on Sundays (which was thrilling) and costumes and progress and not wanting it to ever be Monday.

1. My diet has primarily been reduced to bagels and cookies.

2. My main activities are watching Arrested Development on Netflix and waiting for it to stop raining.

3. I have woken up past noon more times than I would care to admit.

4. I have realized once again that Philadelphia is just a smaller, less exciting version of New York.

5. I still have only unpacked one suitcase.

6. I can’t decide if the word “home” is accurate anymore.

Anyway.

I want the semester to be over so I don’t have to worry about work and deadlines and proximity and emotional nonsense and lack of sleep. I’m so sick of my dorm room and dining hall food. But what am I going to do at home? It’ll be nice for a while but three months? What the fuck am I going to do in Philadelphia for three months? I want to go home but I don’t. I want to stay here but I don’t. I’m tired of cities right now. I don’t know where I want to be. I wish I could just be nowhere. No, no I don’t, but I wish I knew where I wanted to go and I could go there and everything would be simple.

I want to yell and I want to stop feeling pitiful and I hate that I’m complaining so much but sometimes you just have to fucking complain because the alternative is pretending that everything is fine when really, nothing makes any sense. This age, being a teenager who is almost not a teenager anymore but is barely more than a kid… It’s confusing as hell. Trying to function like an adult somewhere new but clinging on to childhood, to what is familiar.

I just don’t know. College is fucking weird.

1. The screen on my phone broke yesterday. I have absolutely NO IDEA how it happened; I went to check the time in class and it was destroyed. Very mysterious. So now I am functioning without a phone and it’s weird.

2. So, good thing I’m going home this weekend. Can get that fixed. Alexis is coming too and I’m going to show her around Philadelphia. YEAAAAH.

3. She and I totally bought Three Wolf Moon shirts and both wore them today. It was awesome but I felt like the biggest fucking hipster.

4. The ISO launch party was earlier and it was great. The issue is beautiful.

5. My friend Lauren made an epic Disney playlist for us to listen to in eskrima, which makes that class infinitely better.

6. During my long break between classes today, I watched half of Anastasia on Netflix and it was awesome. I would have watched the whole thing but I got really tired and took a nap instead.

7. Adam and I are going to make a blanket fort on Sunday and it is going to be THE BEST EVER.

That is all.

I told myself I was going to read a lot over break, but then I just ended up watching 30 Rock during all of my free time. I did finish Nothing by Janne Teller, which was creepy and great, and read Slaughterhouse-Five, which I liked a lot. I wish I hadn’t waited until now to read it. I had planned to do some work on the planes home today, but instead I slept, listened to The Decemberists, and started Fahrenheit 451, another book I’ve been wanting to read for a long time.

My priorities are so not in order. I need to do an assignment for Acting, write my pen pal letter, edit two of my Writing the Essay papers, (all of the aforementioned things could have been at least partially completed in Hawaii, but who ever wants to do work on vacation?) and pack, but instead I’ve been listening to The King Is Dead some more (I CAN’T STOP; IT IS TOO WONDERFUL), doing pointless things on the internet, playing my ukulele, and finishing up gifts. Sort of. I’m going to be up late.

Once again wrapped in the chilly grip of Philadelphia, I’m thinking about how it’s going to be even colder in New York, but I’m excited to go back, see my friends after too long of an absence. I’m excited for classes as well but not for homework and waking up early. 

I missed the smell of winter.

My house is freezing

Two layers, still shivering

I did not miss this